Obsession of Names in Korea

I guess this is the trend.
Looking at my friends' blogs, I realized that I was the only one not talking about college. And here I am again, pressured or influenced by others, to write about college preparation.

I never felt the pressure of going to college. I am quite a laid back person and a person who is a little relaxed about everything. I wouldn't worry too much about a test or a project, wouldn't worry too much about my future, but just simply await...await my destined college. However, Koreans including my friends (most of them), seem to care too much about where they go to. All obsessed about the name of the college. The college must have a name that people all know. Why? Why can't we just go to a college and study hard and become successful? Does the famous name of the college change your life? Change your future that significantly? Does the famous name give you happiness? It might give you a leeway to success, but it does not necessarily mean you will have a promising future. I believe that Korea is just too obsessed with the names.

Living in Korea did change my mindset a bit. But I really want to stick to my own belief and thoughts.

Just chill.
Pursuit of happiness does not correlate with the college you go to.
Just chill.
Once you let yourself loose, you won't have to live such a stressful life.
Just chill.
Chill my friends.

photo: http://www.jeffclemens.com/images/Obsession-Cover-for-web.gif

Flashing Back to the Good Old Day

Two years ago, 30 of us from Habitat for Humanity were prancing scarily along Dhaka’s freeway, which is pot-holed, shared by buses, motorcycle taxis, lorries, and thousands of bicycles. After four hours of bone rattling travel, we arrived to our guesthouse, where we would spend seven days building houses in a community. During the rocky drive, I thought a lot about this, my first, Habitat trip, and the big picture of Habitat for Humanity, which brings people from the developed countries at a great expense to poor countries to help people to get out of unsanitary and insecure conditions. However, I couldn’t help thinking about the expenses for the flight, food and accommodation: why not just simply donate this to the community? Wouldn’t the cash donation outweigh the benefits of this trip? I do confess, I was not quite certain about the purpose or the morals of this program that we were about to engage into. With such pessimistic thoughts about the benefits, I showed up--ready to carry bricks. On our fourth day, we had the foundation filled and the dirt packed. The children jumped with elation and we had our first party with the inhabitants, and that is when I came to sort out my skepticism deeming the benefits of Habitat for Humanity. I realized that this program not only supports the poor by building houses but also allows us to build benevolence and empathy. Building something with our own bare hands to better other people’s lives, I came to appreciate this great opportunity, which allowed all of us to become more humane. The trip to Bangladesh was a transformational week for everyone and I hope to lead another one soon.


Picture credits to...http://search.creativecommons.org/?q=habitat+for+humanity&sourceid=Mozilla-search#

Since she left us

It has only been a week since she left us, but it feels more like a month. When she was here with us, not seeing her for a month would not have been the biggest deal. But it's different now. Not seeing her for a week makes me anxious. Not getting her random phone calls makes me anxious. I am anxious--without her.

I never knew she took up so much space in me. Although she and my other aunt, my mom and grandma and I got together every Saturday, because she was just always there, I didn't know what it's like to not see her and hear her. Now that she is gone, all the words that she used to say swirls in my head--over and over. It just really feels like she would actually say those words in person sooner or later. In other words, this feels like a joke. Yes, when I got a call from my dad at school telling me about this, I mourned and ran home. I could not believe it, but just those words that my dad said to me on the phone were painfully stabbed me. It stabbed my head, but not my heart. My head understood the horrible news, but my heart, my heart did not accept the truth.

When I arrived at the place, the place full of despair and emptiness, my legs started to tremble, then my hands, then I could not move. I approached her foot by foot, heavily and uneasily. There she was--looking right at me.

......

She was there.
But I could not approach further more.
That place, that moment, that scene...
It did not belong to her.

Photos credits to...http://www.flickr.com/photos/asv/2509441834/

Where do you belong?

Which country do you represent? What makes you the citizen of that country? What is it that you feel like the citizen of that country? What is it that you belong to that country?

Different but same questions lingered in my head after our homeroom class discussed about citizenship. As international students, citizenship is quite an important factor. Yes, it is true that KIS has 99% of Korean population (just the students). But many of us have double citizenships: US or another foreign country and Korea. But if you have to make a choice between those two, which one would you pick? Me? Well, before we had this discussion, I would have said “US, duh!” But now? It’s a little different.

I was born in Washington D.C. in 1991 because my father was a student there. My three years older sister, Kathy, however, was born in Korea. She is always jealous of me and tells me that I am luck to be born in United States. Well, what has US given to me till now other than other people’s jealousy?

Well, because I had the citizenship… I could get in the shorter line when you get the passport check. I could be valid for the financial aid when I go to college—but, I have yet took the advantage of it! I could, I could,… What else? Nothing really comes up to my mind. When I think of America, it’s a place of liberty and…shopping! Full of opportunities to do things freely! Yet, hard to get a decent job. But I still thought US as my home country just because I was born there.

I know a lot people who think the same way as me. Home country is something important but that should not be the only reason to become your “home.” If Korea has been a home to you for over 15 years, if Korea allowed you to experience stuffs, if Korea was the place of your youth, then shouldn’t it become prioritized? What really defines citizenship? I am baffled—really.

If you are a citizen of some place, I think, you should really be willing to pay back your country with your future job by contributing something. Even if you are thinking of studying in US college, you should go back to your home country and contribute with what you have learned and experienced.

Some people say they are the citizen of the world. Sure, why not? I visited Bangladesh for Habitat for Humanity. But I am not continuously helping the third world like Mr. Perron is. So which country do I belong to? I don’t know—not yet.

Where do you belong?

I belong to nowhere.



picture credits to...http://www.danschmoyer.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Confused-Pic.jpg

Words of Wisdom

“Don’t worry, be happy” used to be something that I would tell myself whenever I am distressed. But really, when you are worried, how can you suddenly become “happy?” For me, this quote or lyrics from Bobby McFerrin was not appropriate. But this quote adapted from an anonymous quote by Sam Baughn really seemed to “fit” me. “Worrying is like a rocking chair. You can rock all day and not get anywhere.”

I do admit that it's not a good set of mind for one to have: to worry over trivial matters. But this time, it wasn’t so trivial to me. It was the day when my report card came home. It was a quarter grade report but I didn’t do so well on it. So I really wanted to hide it somewhere so that my parents won’t see it. I hid it in my wardrobe, the wardrobe that my mom hates to look at because it is so messy. So I knew it was safe but it was, still, nerve wrecking. Should I just confess? It would feel so much better. But I was too nervous that my mom might find it while I’m at school. For two days, I couldn’t concentrate on anything else but only on the report card. I literally rocked on my chair all day at school and got into trouble from the teacher, I kept on thinking of something else while my friends were talking to me, and I dozed off slightly during class dreaming about my mom finding the report card. How ridiculous? It wasn’t like my mom is going to kill me for getting a low grade. But I was just too timid to show her—I thought it was too late. Worrying all day, thinking all day, crying all day, sighing all day, I almost felt nauseated. I couldn’t think of anything now. Nada, nada, nada, nada, nada…The anxiety soon became a nihility—how ironic? As I came home, I went straight into my room and searched for my report card first. And yes, luckily, it was still there, right on top of my purple sweater covered with my white T-Shirt on top of it—ironically though, a T-Shirt that said “I’m a Straight A Student.” Was this some kind of sign? I couldn’t bear it anymore. So I decided to tell mom the truth and show her my report card. I carefully pulled out my report card and walked slowly towards mom. She was seemed to be very quiet today, which scared me even more. She usually said something when I come back from school. But anyway, I showed her my report card telling her that I have been hiding it for two days ad told her that I’m sorry. Apparently, she knew that the report card, the report card that I was trying to hide from her all day, came two days ago, but she just let me manage it. Embarrassing I was. I didn’t having anything to say, but that is when I realized that “worrying doesn’t get you anywhere.” I truly learned my lesson and since then, when I find my self worrying about something that is unnecessary, I really ask my self: “Am I rocking my chair again? Is this going to change anything?” Worrying only distresses you and distracts you from doing other things, so cliché to say, “Don’t worry, Be Happy.”


Nada=nothing in Spanish

Maturity

If I became mature a little earlier, even just about 5 years earlier, things might have been different. Only through a little bit of maturity do I think that this quote by William Arthur Ward would touch one’s heart deeply: “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Anybody can understand this quote, of course, but not everybody can realize the ignorance of itself. Prior to my story that I am going to tell, I want you to know that I am not a person that “expresses a lot.” In other words, my reactions to such situations are quite small, so it is hard to tell how I’m feeling most of the times. Maybe at this point, it would just be the best to quote “It’s not the situation. It’s your reaction to the situation.” But anyway, I never knew that my reaction or lack of expression could become something regretful.

My grandpa passed away 5 years ago on the 22nd of February. He suffered several illnesses and he couldn’t walk independently before he died. Almost all of the family members thought that it would be better off for him to just leave. Cruel to believe, but that was the truth. He was too sick all the time that it was hard to look at him. But maybe it was his illness that drifted my away from him, or his heavy face that he always had that discouraged me from talking to him. It was hard to approach him although I knew in my heart that he was the nicest person ever. He was just a grandpa that took care of the family quietly and supports the family like a “pillar” of the house. One day though, he called me with his husky voice and beckoned with his fragile hands. He could not talk well so it was hard to understand but I tried my best to listen. Grandpa told me about his own story when he was at my age and said that he understands what I am going through academically, socially and internally. He also said that he is sorry for being so cold to me all the time but that he loves me so much. And he went on telling me some things that I will remember for the rest of my life—some core life lessons. I couldn’t thank him anymore. But at that time I do remember that I didn’t say anything back but just listened to him. I bet he thought that I wasn’t listening. When he finished I just walked out of the room, a room that became a place where I would not have to walk in no more—because he passed away that night. And yes, I was a fool. I couldn’t say thank you to him nor ‘I love you too, grandpa.’ Those two words seemed to be the hardest thing to say.

Why did I hide my feelings? I wrapped my self up and tried not to show my emotions and expressions. My lack of expressions not only would have hurt grandpa’s feelings but remain as something that I would regret for my entire life. Just like the quote says, you should express your gratitude since the other person is surely would be waiting for you to say something—at least for a simple “thank you.” In that sense I love how Americans “habitually” say “thank you” for everything. Although I think it’s sometimes too much done, it is certainly better than Koreans’ introverted expression. Anyway, this incident has changed my personality almost 180 degrees since now I express my feelings a lot.

Image url: http://search.creativecommons.org/?q=maturity&sourceid=Mozilla-search#

Dream Dream Dream

I was depressed, so I needed something to cheer me up. Some sort of a life lesson that would inspire me-breathing in the meaning of life. And Jennifer Baltz seemed to be the right one. As I was reading her blog posts, I became calm and tranquil.

On this particular blog titled, "An Old Dog Teaches His Humans Some New Tricks," Jennifer talks about what her old dog Wunjo taught her. Wunjo was very sick and was always in pain that the doctors recommended her to put her into "sleep." Whenever the dog saw her talking to the vet, the dog "rallies immediately, letting me know in no uncertain terms that he’s not ready to go … yet." The dog, Wunjo, he had passion. Passion for life.

If you're thinking that she is just exaggerating the facts, I must say..."same here." I felt that way too when I read this post. But that is not the point she is trying to make is it? Whether you believe that the dog was insisting on its owner to give him some time or not simply doesn't matter (if you're a pet lover, go ahead and interpret it that way). But she is here talking about the passion of the people that drives our lives. Without a set of goal, without the willingness to achieve the goal, without expectations, nothing can be done.

There is an old saying in Korean which could be translated to this: Don't look up the tree if you can't climb up the tree. Yes, it is a realistic advice and a practical one too. But if we just do things that we already know so well and do not take challenges, what is the fun of life? Your life would be too plain and banal. Why can't we look up at a tree and dream about climbing up there? If you don't dream, or in other words, if you don't crave something, you won't even be near to reaching your goals. Just like when you try to grab an apple from a tall tree, you must stretch out your arms up high and at least have hope that you would reach it. If you have the willingness to reach your goal, "just do it." Don't let others look down on you.

Everybody has the right to dream about a dream.
Dream when you can.
Life is just a little too short to hesitate-don't you think?

Self-Sufficiency

I was cruising down my lineup of cable channels one day, and I sat idly only to end up watching Nickelodeon. The archetypical plot of a good versus evil was so obvious to me now, unlike the days of my youth when I was so fascinated and intrigued, or rather distracted by the flashy animation and setting, only to become totally oblivious to the concept of good versus evil and self-sufficiency. As in any children’s story, the good vs. evil phenomenon is noticeable to even the most inattentive reader or watcher. Take the Wizard of Oz for example. Here, the Witches of the North and South and Dorothy play the role of ‘good.’ They have superior power and control over the ‘axis of evil,’ which is portrayed through the Witches of the East and West, and the Winged Monkeys in some parts of the novel. When these creatures come to assault Dorothy and her friends, they take notice of the ‘kiss’ that the Witch of the North gave to Dorothy, and stops attacking. The concept of self-sufficiency also proves to be as prevalent as the theme of good versus evil. The major characters of the novel, Dorothy, the Tin Woodsman, the Cowardly Lion, and the Scarecrow seek to obtain qualities that they already possess through magical power. The Tin Woodsman initially believes he lacks human qualities, especially feeling emotions. This is proved wrong, however. There is a scene in which he cries and the tears forces his jaws shut. This reflects the fact that he does indeed possess a human heart. He also kills a beetle lying around, and cries in lament. The Scarecrow, also yearning for a brain, demonstrates that he can think analytically as humans do in chapter six. The Scarecrow reacts to the Tin Woodsman’s problem by loosening his jaw with oil in an amazingly swift manner. This, in turn, proves the Scarecrow’s appropriate use of logic. The Lion is constantly found thinking to himself that he is a coward; however, he does not realize that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the ability to act despite the fear. He displays sheer courage when killing the giant spider. Dorothy is met with a want for an abstract idea: the path to home. At first, she is stressed out and lost. However, she provides the stepping stones to return home by acting crisp and clear, and by showing a resolute attitude toward her goal. She is serendipitously given the Silver Shoes to help her meet the Wizard of Oz, and through a hard fought battle, she ends up reaching Kansas. These characters demonstrate what self-sufficiency is in a manner that I have yet to realize. The simple nature cartoons and animated shows were of seldom significance and hardly a source for understanding the big picture of life in any way. However, I have yet a long way to go, since I have only now realized the inner values and ideals simple cartoons and G-rated shows can provide.

Delayed Gratification

Life is like a box of chocolates, said some boy in that movie, Forrest Gump. Truly, that is something everyone can concur with. But not all of those chocolates are sweet. Some are sweet, but most are not. Some are bitter, black, and foul in taste. An assortment even comes with different size, shape, not to mention flavor. We can likewise laugh in triumph and satisfaction, or grimace in pain and failure. And in the mist of these crossroads of emotions and mixed feelings are expectations and goals. Whether it is scoring in your first soccer game, getting an A in your chemistry test, or counting down the days till Christmas, goals remain as goals to be achieved, and goals remain as profound sources of happiness and satisfaction when we achieve those goals. But I can daresay that these goals have different degrees of happiness and satisfaction involved. It is hard to describe in words the entirety of the concept of delay of gratification. The longer we wait for something, the happier we are when we get that or achieve that. But I recently realized something. I realized that sometimes, the excitement of the anticipation and the expected happiness that comes just at the moments before the actual “thing” itself is sometimes more sensational. Sometimes, it just so adds up to be that the actual “thing” is not really as good as what it expected to be. In that case, the moments leading up to that, the hours, days, or weeks waiting for that “thing” to take place is more worthy. This unorthodox form of delay of gratification can be used to tell what really is worth it for you. If the happiness and satisfaction of that actual “thing” exceeds that of which you get from the moments leading up to that, then voila, your pursuit was well rewarded and for good reason and purpose.

The Rainstorm

I see that stark shades of dark blue fill the background of the canvas. A stormy sky is depicted in layers of different shades of blue, that start out as light blue clouds from the top to darker blue as the sky nears ground level. And at the surface, a rocky meadow stretches across, only to have a defoliated tree falling with the result of an oncoming storm. The work serves to express the sudden oncoming of a rainstorm: it seems as though the clear, light blue sky is abruptly substituted by rainy storm clouds, which are painted in dark blue. A careful observation of the meadow will show splashes of rain. The mud beneath the grass has taken up more than enough water, soon allowing the rain to flood the meadow. The tree, unable to withstand the storm, falls onto a barricade of rocks between it and the meadow. The vigor and energy of the image is heightened only by the existence of a clear blue sky: without it, the image would merely have been another depiction of a rainstorm. The simultaneous presence of tranquility and a devastating storm adds meaning to each and every detail of the painting. We can see that the meadow will never again relish the tranquility it stood under, for the defoliated tree will never stand strong again and the grasses will never be so healthily green after the rainstorm.